Are we a generation that doesn’t want a relationship? We want dating, that’s for sure, and most of us don’t even remember life before Tinder, BBW dating, and all the perks that technology has to offer in this sphere. We seem to want all the good stuff that comes from having a relationship without having to put in the work, yet without any hard work there can barely be any intimacy.
Intimacy ultimately means putting the power into another person’s hands to hurt us, but our generation would rather have someone to go out for pizza with than a real partner. A pizza buddy is the second plate on our Instagram photos, someone to text with into the wee hours of the night, and someone to wish us a good morning the next day, but not someone we open up to enough so that they can take advantage of our feelings, regardless of whether they’re intense or whether we just have a crush on someone. Today, we look at how a generation that doesn’t want a relationship approaches dating, and the end results of our dating habits.
#1: Intimacy – A Far Fetched Concept
We all want a date for countless weddings we get invited to because attending them alone is boring and depressing, all the while wondering how the couple walking down the aisle managed to find their happily ever after.
We rarely stop to think we don’t actually want a relationship because being friends with benefits is far easier, and it gets the job done for the most part sans intimacy. We’re looking for a partner on Tinder and other apps, studiously go over ‘The Top 10 Tips to Make him Fall in Love with Me’ or ‘Dressing to Impress on a Third Day’, and approach dating like a project that needs to be implemented under certain requirements.
#2: We Love Dating, but Actually Avoid it
Investing more into our dating profiles than into trying to understand the other person on a deeper level results in the concept of intimacy being neglected left and right. We get together with a potential date for coffee, spend 1.5 hours small talking about virtually nothing, only to go home and small talk or sext via texts.
We hang out, drink beer together, share meaningless thoughts and ideas – anything to avoid an actual date. We all play games, but there are no actual winners because all we win is being perpetually alone.
#3: The Little Things We’re Left With
We want that ‘engaged’ status or ‘in a relationship’ status that people can like and comment on without the actual work that goes into sustaining a relationship.
We want someone to hold our hand, but not look too deep into our eyes.
We want teasing, not real conversations, and we care for promises, but not actual commitment. We think we want deep connections, but keep things shallow. We dream of being swept off our feet, and want to remain firmly on the ground at the same time. We’re all out there chasing this idea of love, but are very careful not to fall into it.
We strive for a reward with no risk, keep one eye open and one foot out the door ‘just in case’ or because ‘there is plenty of fish in the sea’. With this kind of thinking so many young people out there are single and lonely without realizing that our need to belong to another person is fundamental, and we’re simply incomplete without it.
