It doesn’t matter how old you are; when the time comes and you’re ready to ‘give it up’, there is plenty of nervous energy. And a lot of that has to do with the unknown, as well as a lot of myths and ideals that are out there. When you’re ready to lose your virginity, whether 17 or 47, you’ll want to keep a few things in mind to help you set expectations as well as to ease your nerves.

Expectations

In movies and novels, it seems the hero and heroine always time it so that they orgasm at the same time. In real life? That’s difficult to do with a lot of practice. If this is your first time, it’s going to be nearly impossible. Don’t expect to hit your peak at the same time as your partner. In fact, you may not orgasm at all the first time.

A few other expectations that may have been set improperly include:

  • Not everyone bleeds. Don’t expect a horror film. Even if you do bleed, it will likely just be a couple of small spots on the inside of your thighs, not a murder scene.
  • You need prep work. Your body isn’t used to the stimulation, and quite likely, you’re going to need lube. Remember, no one has penetrated you before, and your body won’t necessary be prepared for the invasion, even if you do produce your own moisture. Give it a boost to assure the most comfort.
  • There will be no fireworks. Okay, it’s made out to be a big deal, right? And personally, it is a big deal for you. However, that doesn’t mean you should expect to feel an overwhelming emotional impact or feel some sort of celebratory, magical atmosphere. Likely, it won’t ‘feel’ special at all.
  • Pain isn’t what you expected. You’re told that breaking the hymen is like ‘tearing flesh’. The truth is, most women are so focused on the strange feeling of a foreign object thrusting into her body and stretching the vagina that the pain of breaking the hymen isn’t noticeable. This is a strange discomfort more than excruciating pain.
virginity

Scene from “The 40-Year-Old Virgin”

Other Things to Remember

Aside from having clear expectations – or lack thereof, in some cases – you should know a few things about your first time that can affect your future.

  • Make sure you’re sober. While it may not be some wildly memorable encounter, you don’t want it to be fuzzy or have trouble remembering it. You want to be clear on your intentions and what happens.
  • You can get an STI. Being a virgin does not protect you from getting a sexually transmitted infection, especially if your partner isn’t a virgin.
  • Don’t tell everyone. It’s really no one’s business but yours. If you’re dying to talk about it, keep it to one or a circle of very close friends you trust.

Getting used to sex will take time, and you’ll probably have questions or concerns because it didn’t feel like you expected. Be aware that this is normal, and it could take some practice before you finally find your groove and get to a point where it’s enjoyable for you.

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