Kink, fetish, and dominant-submissive relationships are the ‘new black’ when it comes to romance. Everywhere you look, you find veins of 50 Shades, and it’s caused a lot of people to come out of the closet with their personal desires. The door has opened wide to mainstreaming kinky relationships, and yet, there are plenty of people still uncomfortable with admitting to having a particular fetish or non-vanilla desire in the bedroom.
The unfortunate circumstance is that, if you have trouble coming to terms with whatever your pleasure because you’re too embarrassed to ask for it, you’re likely going to remain unsatisfied when it comes to sex. And then, you’re just going to stop trying because you’re jaded about it.
“Strange” Behavior Isn’t Strange
If you surveyed a large number of very average people, and they were completely honest, it’s likely the vast majority of them would have a fantasy or a fetish that seems ‘questionable’ compared to society’s view of what’s normal in sexual habits and tastes. Whether it’s sucking on toes, spankings, or wearing a tutu and dancing a jig, you probably sit next to people at work and school and stand in front of and behind people in line at the store who have something that’s not vanilla about their desires.
Realizing that you’re not alone is the first step to ridding yourself of any embarrassment you feel about what turns you on. Consider that it wasn’t so long ago that people who weren’t in a heterosexual relationship hid their sexuality because of the stigma that came with being gay. Now, it’s simply an ‘alternative lifestyle’ and nothing to be ashamed of. The same is true of any sexual pleasure (that doesn’t involve illegal practices like preying on children). Millions of people feel the same way you do.
Embracing Your Desires
Once you realize you share a kink or fetish with others, it’s time to ‘come out’. This is where it becomes important to actually talk with your sexual partner. If you have an open line of communication regarding what works and doesn’t work for you, it can be really easy to discuss your needs with your lover. Try suggesting that you want to try something, before you’re in the bedroom all hot and bothered. Explain to your lover that you’ve done a lot of thinking about it, and you’d like to try it. Or, if you’ve tried it before and know you like it, tell them you want to incorporate it into your sex life.
You’d be surprised how open and accepting most people can be, when you present the idea reasonably and with a level head. Don’t shy away from it. Be honest and concise. If you want to try a particular sex toy, make sure you’re clear about which one. If it’s a position, describe it. If it’s an act, detail it. You might actually find that it sparks sincere interest in your partner as well. In fact, you might discover that your lover also has some ‘secret’ desires to share. Imagine the trade off and the complete fulfillment you’ll both get from your exploration!
