Being 100% compatible with your sexual partner from the get-go is a very rare thing. In fact, how many times has it actually happened to you? And even if your first time together was awesome, you have surely changed some of your preferences since then, or maybe you’re just into trying new stuff. Finding a guy who always knows how to please you is like winning the lottery. But what happens when you don’t buy the winning ticket and you actually have to tell him what you want?

Lose the Subtle

No, guys don’t just get it. In your head, your subtle instructions might make sense, but for the man to know a woman’s body as well as she does, it’s rather uncommon. So, instead of hinting and then being turned off about the fact that he gets it wrong, how about being straightforward?

In fact, you would be surprised how many find these “sexual instructions” quite sexy. And never worry about ruining the moment with your own desires. You could actually be creating a new moment: the one where you get to tell him how much you enjoyed it (and actually mean it).

Think of it this way: are you really prepared to give up a lifetime for orgasms because you’re too shy to speak your mind? No, didn’t think so. 

Showing Is Caring

Let me tell you something: nothing is sexier than a woman that goes for what she wants. If you’re somehow feeling ashamed to say those “nasty words”, you can go ahead and show him what pleases you. Grab his hands, his head, his penis, and point it in the right direction.

Talk, and Do it from the Beginning

The more sex you have without opening up about it, the more awkward the idea of talking about sex gets. When you’re open about it from the start, it gets way easier to talk to your partner about what you want in bed. 

There are many great sex conversation starters. If you’re worried about saying something offensive, start the conversation with “I want to tell you something, but I’m a little ashamed by it”. This gives him a chance to empathise with your position and will be much more open to what you have to say.

Know what You Want

I have met many women who were not fully pleased on a sexual level, but they weren’t exactly able to talk about what they wanted either. So, if you don’t know what you want, how can you expect him to know?

Being sexually curious is normal, and it doesn’t mean experimenting with different people. You can have a single sex partner and want to try all sorts of new things in the bedroom. 

Here’s what psychology will tell you: as we grow up and are educated, nobody really tells us who we are as sexual beings. It’s going to take some experimenting to discover your likes and dislikes, and no sex manual in the world can possibly teach that.

Before hanging onto the idea that you are not sexually pleased, can you first say, with absolute certainty, what it is that pleases you? When you’ve got that figured you, it will be way easier to point your man in the right direction.