You identify as ‘straight’ but as it turns out, there’s this one woman who really gets your blood flowing and your skin flushed. Every time you talk to her, you get flustered because you feel sexually attracted to her. All of a sudden, you’re questioning your sexuality, and it’s confusing you. If this has ever happened to you, you’re not alone in wondering what this means.

The Law of Attraction

This might come as a surprise, but when thinking about sexual attraction, there really isn’t that much of a difference between men and women. There are certain characteristics that you, as an individual, find attractive, and not all of those traits are physical. Of course, some may be – a certain hair color or eye color, for example. At the same time, maybe it’s a level of confidence or a specific way someone smiles. Those things all cross gender lines, meaning you might be attracted to a man or a woman, regardless of your ‘sexual preference’.

When is it Bisexual?

bisexual women kissing 2Believe it or not, about 13 percent of self-identifying heterosexual women admit to having sexual contact of some sort with a woman. And those are just the ones who admit it. In addition, there are likely a much higher percentage of women who have been sexually attracted to another woman without acting on it. So, you don’t have to feel like you’re alone.

Of course, to actually identify as bisexual, you should probably find out if that attraction actually goes anywhere. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had my eyes on a guy for a long time in the past, but when it was time to crawl between the sheets, it just wasn’t working for me. So, an attraction to a woman that doesn’t come to fruition certainly doesn’t make you bisexual.

On the other hand, you don’t have to be equally attracted to men and women in order to have that door open to both genders. Bisexual doesn’t mean ‘equally attracted’. It means ‘equal opportunity for attraction’. You don’t rule out one gender or the other and base your attraction off a particular trait or off each individual encounter, assessing personality and connection rather than plumbing.

Removing Gender Myths

If part of your hesitation to pursue a curiosity is due to social norms and the traditional sense of gender, you should loosen up and do some research. In essence, the truth about the differences between men and women is that there aren’t as many as you’d think, even in a sexual relationship. So, if you find yourself questioning your attraction to a woman, you may need to stop and reevaluate what you think you know about male versus female. Maybe knowing the reality of how similar the two are will help you feel more comfortable in your attraction and allow you to take a leap of faith.

And for the record, just because you have a single same sex encounter doesn’t mean that you’ve changed your sexual preference. It’s just a trial, and if it’s an error, you can just chalk it up to experience!

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