Get Down and Dirty with Sexts Before You Get Down

Arousal works differently for everyone, but basically, the trick is to know your partner, try a few different things, and then enjoy the fruits of your labor. Sexting is one of technology’s gifts to the art of foreplay, but really it’s just an update on the old love/lust letter.

A few hot sexts can set the tone before you see your partner next, or get you through a dry spell if the two of you can’t see each other soon. While there are no right or wrong ways to sext because everyone likes things a little different, you might want to follow some guidelines when you’re starting out.

DO: Test the Waters

Sexting is a bit like real sex in that you can’t just go in with no lube or warm-up time. Start slowly with a couple questions, maybe. “What are you wearing?” is one way to go. “I’ve been thinking about you.” That sort of open-ended statement invites your partner to ask what you’ve been thinking about exactly.

DON’T: Send without Double-Checking

Typos happen, but one of the worst times has to be while sexting. There’s nothing like an incorrect autocorrect to totally kill the mood. “I’d blindfold you and lay you out on my bed before sliding your panties off and kicking you gently” isn’t likely going to inspire anything but giggles. And “I want you to make me come with your mother” is going to get a totally different reaction than “I want you to make me come with your mouth.”

DO: Use Past Events

Chances are likely that you’re sexting with someone you’ve already had sex with. If not, you can just create realistic scenarios with your partner. Using past events to spark memories of a really hot night is a good way to get someone going again. “Remember that time when we were at your parents’ house and you showed me your old bedroom?” They’re going to remember. Vividly.

DON’T: Make Your Partner Do All the Work

sextingQuestions are part of the fun of sexting. “What are you wearing?” “Are you touching yourself?” “What are you thinking about right now?” All those are great questions! But don’t only ask questions. Be sure you participate, too. Tell your partner what you’re thinking about, too. And don’t just focus on your own pleasure.

DO: Find Out What Really Gets Them Going

If you’re unsure about whether sexting will work or not, it’s a good idea to ask a few questions about what your partner likes. Do you know of a specific fantasy they have? Start describing it. You might be into some kink, but your partner may not be. So, don’t just dive head first into your kink without knowing your partner is also open to it first.

DON’T: Send Unsolicited Nudes

This should go without saying, but here goes: Ask first. Consent applies to sexting and nudes, too. Before you click “send” on that text with your bits and pieces showing, be sure it’s what the other person wants. And for anonymity, don’t include your face in the photo.

 

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