What’s are your deepest, darkest sexual fantasies?

It’s a party question that can lead to deviant thoughts and ideas, especially after a few drinks and in an intimate crowd. But what’s the truth of the matter? What do men and women really want when it comes down to the desires of the heart? The answers might surprise you – as much because of the similarity between the sexes as because of the somewhat quiet answers you’ll get.

Oral Sex

It may seem a little hard to fathom, but two of the top three answers among men and women when asked about their sexual fantasies have nothing to do with the sex itself. No special activity, at least. In fact, the only defined act among them is oral sex, which ranks third on the list. And while more men found it vital than women, there were still over ¾ of the women in a study that ranked oral sex as being this important.

The two answer at the top of the list were having romantic emotions during sex – yes, ladies, men want it, too – and a great atmosphere or location for sex. While  both of these ranked higher with women, more than 80 percent of men also felt these were essential to their fantasies.

sexual fantasies

A Greater Divide

Of course, looking at studies about sexual fantasies is very telling and can be essential to helping men and women find middle ground because it’s quite obvious not all of those fantasies are in alignment. For example, try questioning men and women about fantasies involving sexual partners who are not their significant other. For men, this seems to be a trend (the study showed over 80 percent of men saw this as an ongoing desire). However, women feel less inclined to look elsewhere (only 66% reported this fantasy) to fulfill a dark desire.

Is the Data Skewed?

When it comes down to it, there’s still one problem. Maybe the questions aren’t fair. After all, men and women were both asked about watching two women having sex (men responded positively with an overwhelming 82 percent desire, while women scored only 42 percent). But the question of watching two men having sex didn’t arise at all, and neither did the question of voyeurism in general with a heterosexual couple. Perhaps that’s what women are looking for and just aren’t given the option.

The honesty of the responses may come into question, as well, since men are often less inhibited in admitting to their desires. At the same time, the various ideas make sense when weighed out, considering that sex in public ranked lower for both men and women (and seems to have become less of a fad through the years). But as much insight as we can get from these studies into what men and women truly fantasize about, it won’t be a clear picture until we learn to ask the right questions to pull out the answers from both genders with equal openness and desire for participation.

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